Kenny Ho // TypeMoon

With my mind in shambles and my heart and feelings in pieces. Especially after we had a catch up movie night on Tuesday and you spent the night made me wonder. How do you do this, first you hangout and go to the movies with this guy Adam you supposedly hated after some events. Yet you texted him and what not so sweetly before me and you decided to go to bed. At the same time you still got your other guys, I bet they know who they are if their smart enough.

I thought and believed for a moment that I would be able to make you smile and laugh like before. So all day the next day I kept thinking what is it I wanted? What is it I’m putting myself trough for?

My conclusion once again I do love you but you don’t feel no where as near or as close to how I feel. So it’s decided I really need to set my distance with you, and only time will tell. Cause at this moment your doing nothing more than just fooling people.

It makes me wonder what have you done to the sweet and honest you? Now all you do is excessively drink, smoke, and degrading yourself…. waking up in a different house every other day.

Made me thinking why am I trying so hard? Why am I letting this bring me down? All for what, a trashy liar? All you do is loosely toss around the word love and feelings, like you do yourself and your morals.

Falling apart, why does this happen? What makes that spark dies?

It’s common to see people split up now a days than see someone that will stick trough with you to the end. Remember when you both first started seeing each other? At first it was trough thick and thin we go trough it all together, and pick one another up. Many times these are nothing more than mere lies cause one of you, sometimes both gave up.

The Rant!

I’ve had my fair shares of love and lost. Trough yet have I to love a girl as much this. At one point I believed she was my last fork in the road and she was the one. As time went by she grew out of love and became bored, she left it all, years of living together, our pets, our routines, our love. All dropped as if it was nothing, all for a mere gamble. A gamble for the mere attention of someone eles.

Like many heart broken people who loses their loved one, I started to wonder, seeking the truth. I tried to knock some sense into them but at this point reasoning and trying to get them back does nothing but push them further away.

I tried to space myself but at the most random moments just as I’m climbing that hill of acceptance you’d call. You’d say things that just yanks and pull on my heart. Things like how you miss it how you still love me…. yet your in the company of another man.

Then there are moments when your drunk, lonely, or just merely playing with my heart. You call,text, or show up. There you are in front of me again, talking to me. Sometimes things gets intimate again, and it’s these moments that a bit of my heart dies again. Cause for that moment of intimacy to me was more than merely sex. To me it was hope, hope that there was still passion and things would mend themselves and we be in one another lives again.

Than the sun rises and we walk our walk of shame knowing it was nothing more than sex. Once again you just return to “him” or the “next guy”. Whoever it was now you’d find ways to say “its not the same as when I was with you.” or “it’s nothing serious we’re just using each other”. At times I wonder if this guy or other people knows what secretly going on?

Do you understand how mentally fucked up you leave me? I’m moving on to my best extent I too have my women I shamelessly cover up my sadness with. But in the end when I go home or am sober up…. It’s all about you.

Guess this rants done for now…. Time to go back to work fml.